Just wants to be friends

So things with (lets call him Chris because I don't want to use his real name with out his consent) *Chris, didn't end the way most people would want. It was definitely one of my most mature endings to anything, so that's good. But he just wants to be friends 'for the time being' whatever that means.

I had let my head get to me about things, and I thought he was sending mixed signals, so I told him, I didn't get mad or get in a fight just sent him a text telling him I didn't like that he was sending mixed signals. He didn't react mad he was a little upset because he didn't think he was sending mixed signals and he apologized for it and told me that he's just been really busy with work, and the holidays etc.


Later that night I sent him a huge text telling him & explaining to him all the bullshit I have been through with most guys that I 'dated' and how it all affected me and how, especially with me ex, I have this wall up and am so apprehensive about guys and if they're being honest or not.

It sucks the way that works. You meet someone you like, then they treat you like shit, then if you meet someone who's worth the risk & who is being honest & truthful, you can't believe it.

To be honest I don't know how to take the whole thing. Chris & I haven't talked about what happened since it happened. Yet he didn't totally blow me off like "This just isn't gonna work" what he said was "I want to be friends for the time being, at least until I get to know you better." So...I don't know how to take it. Complete totally rejection? Stuck in the friendzone? It doesn't help that my head keeps thinking about it and I just keep analyzing the whole thing. I did tell him that I wasn't sure if I could be his friend, because the last thing I wanted was to keep getting to know him & have my feelings get stronger or increase and then I'm stuck in the friendzone. He didn't respond to that so, who knows what he's thinking.

I almost wish things ended in a immature way and we fought and I can say he's a jerk, because then I wouldn't feel as crummy as I do. I feel sad, and cheated, and hurt by it all. I feel sad because I saw potential with this one, we had such a natural chemistry, that it just flowed, and I liked that. When we were hanging out all I wanted to do was to kiss him, or hold his hand and what not, but I hadn't known him long enough so I didn't just want to show the world our affection or whatever.

Part of me feels like I shouldn't feel this way because I only knew him for 2 weeks, but the disappointment is still there and any form of rejection is never good. Then again, I don't even know if it's really 'over' it probably is and I'm just holding on to whatever hope I have.


Anyways, I'm taking a bit of a break from the internet dating. This time around *Chris was the only one that caught my eye. Every one else seemed, too desperate, too needy, or just an overall douche.

Hopefully, I'll get out of this funk, but I still want to talk to him and see him, and I'm just a little upset and mad at myself really.

It'd be so much easier if he was just another douche.